There are many people who believe that having a friendship with your children is not acceptable. Unfortunately, many believe that even as the child becomes an adult, that it is improper. Others believe that friendship with your children can only be established once the child reaches adulthood. However, friendships are relationships that are built over time and the foundation of it starts before adulthood.
Having a friendship with your children is an important part of parenting. My mother and I have a very close relationship and it started when I was a child. There must be a clear understanding of where the line is drawn with being the parent and being a friend. This understanding is something that can be established prior to adulthood.
My friendship with mother is what made me comfortable with talking to her about sex, drugs and many other peer pressures that kids and teens face. My peers were involved in things to which I was ignorant. This is a problem in today’s society and I am sure will be a problem for my children, their children and so forth. Instead of seeking understanding from my peers, I was able to talk to my mother about these things and she would give me the true understanding of what these things were and how getting involved could affect my future. I knew I could talk to her and not be judged. I knew she would give the advice as a parent and she would give me advice as a friend.
Our jobs as parents is to provide, guide, and help them decide.
Here are a few reasons we should be our children’s friend:
1. Children and teens these days do not need to fear talking to their parent(s) about these things. They need to know that they will not be shunned or punished for trying to understand these new things being introduced into their world.
2. Our jobs as parents is to provide, guide, and help them decide. They need to know that we will not just give the “because I said so” answer. Sometimes they need to understand the “why” of a decision. If a decision is only “because my parent said”, then how will they know how to decide when you are not there to decide for them?
3. Children trusts their friends with their secrets. As a parent, we need to know those secrets and the child needs to feel safe in telling you so that you can help them make an informed decision.
4. You are the child’s first play mate and confidante. We are the example of what a true friend should be. We show them that a friend is someone who has your back no matter what. We love them unconditionally and beyond their mistakes. We show them that a friend will always have their best interest at heart.
5. Our children need to know that we are human and that we have been their age before. They need to know that we have dealt with their struggles and conquered them, therefore, they can conquer them, too. We do not want our children to feel alone nor that they have to face life’s struggles alone.
These things may be considered apart of parenting and they very well should be. We should not limit our relationship with our children to just parenting, but should also include the relationship of a friend. I was raised with this type of a parent and to this day, I can speak with my mom about any and every issue that goes on in my life. She will give me the parent answer and she will give me a friend answer. Obviously, I make my own decisions, but she is the reason that I decide the way that I do. I grew up understanding that life is similar to a game of Chess. Chess requires you to anticipate the movement of your opponent before making your move, forcing you to consider the consequences prior to your action.
It would be great if we lived in a perfect world; but as we know, we do not. We are living in an imperfect, fallible world and we have to try to teach the next generation to be better than the former.
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The Fallible Life 